If you have arrived at this post, it’s probably because you got to the point in your life where you realized that holding on to grudges of those that destroyed your trust is worthless.
Regardless of their behavior in the future, and whether they are truly sorry or just said sorry because its the “right thing” to say (not from their heart) – You came to understand that its time for you to stop dwelling in the past.
Its time to set yourself free from the chains that were holding you to the offense.
I will share with you 7 steps that in MY experience can help you let go and move on.
1. Allow yourself to feel whatever your are feeling. Feel the pain that goes from anger to sadness. The longer that we avoid the emotions, the more we delay our healing.
2. Decide on when is going to be the last day for crying over the spilled milk. What happened already happened. You need to convince and commit yourself that: “Today is the last day I will cry over this”.
3. Flip your switch. When you are upset, you only focus on the bad moments and the pain. Now, it’s time to recall the good moments that you had with this person and the reason why you loved Him/Her. Remember that if you got to deeply care about this person, there must be a reason.
4. Do not forget the reason why your trust was broken – But slowly let it go. Don’t rush to pretend that you already let it go, when deep inside you know you are only forcing yourself not to feel something that your heart is still suffering. Be honest with yourself and be patient with the time it will take for you to let it go.
Every person heals in different ways and at a different pace. However, do not stay in the offense more than necessary. You have a life to live and they don’t deserve to take that away from you.
5. Practice gratitude daily. Try to find reasons that help you understand, and think about why it was so important for your own personal growth to meet this person and to have experienced this next to him/her. How has this helped you become a better person.
6. Take the time to heal alone and meet new friends. Make new connections, start over and renew your circle of friends. Specially if you shared the same group of friends with the offender. Some people might disagree about this, but I believe that whatever helps you cope with the pain and heal, you’ve got to do it (as long as you are not hurting/ destroying yourself).
Go out with new friends, subscribe to new activities!
All of us have a personal journey for healing; find out what works for you. Do not think about anybody else, think about YOU and your mental health.
7. Let it go, one day a time. Do not force yourself to feel “ok” everyday. Healing is a roller coaster of emotions, some days you will wake up feeling good and others you will wake up feeling like crap. You will go from singing a song with excitement to crying while you are driving. That’s ok, this only means you are healing in a healthy way.
I believe that everything happens as part of our destiny. If you have the right attitude, God or the universe (wherever your beliefs lie) with time, will turn this negative and painful situation into a positive one – for your own good.
Have faith and let the perfect time show you the reason of why this was necessary for you.
Find a purpose for your suffering.
I recommend this post https://jenniveth.com/2020/11/11/why-forgive-a-betrayal/