How do you decide to marry someone?

unrecognizable young newlyweds sitting together during wedding celebration
Photo by Andrew Wilus on

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor. If either of them falls down, one can help the other up” -Ecclesiastes 4:9 (Bible)

Note: Couples’ Love is a delicate topic to write about, this is only my opinion. If you disagree with my words; please, hold fast to what is good for you and refrain from what is bad.

black man with flowers covering eyes of unrecognizable female beloved
Photo by Gabby K on

How do you know if you should get married or not? You are starting to feel it’s time for this next step, but you feel a bit of nervous. I mean, no one wants to go through a divorce.

We all jump into marriage with the hope that it will last forever. However, some marriages end in separation. Statistics show that of the couples that marry between the ages of 20-25 years, 60% are likely to end in divorce.

Sadly, in other cases, some of these marriages don’t get a divorce but actually end with the couple living under the same roof, sharing the same space with their children, but living in unhappiness – Telling themselves “this is all there is, just live with it”.

bench nature love people
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Unhappy marriages create unhappy kids, and these kids grow up learning what love is from their parents. Hence, most of the time, they then find themselves in unhappy marriages too.

If they want to change the story, they start a fight to unlearn the things they learned from the wounded relationship at home. Of course this is possible, but you need a strong will to open your heart and mind to learn new things.

If you feel identified with what I said before, please – first of all, it’s important for you to know that just because you grew up in a broken home, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you will end up in a broken marriage too.

That being said, I hope you understand why it is so important to choose the right person for marriage, to avoid the painful divorce process or ending in an unhappy marriage. Not only for you but for your kids. Be aware, both of you have to heal from past wounds before jumping into marriage( BOTH of you have to heal your wounds from your childhood or from past relationships).

family making breakfast in the kitchen
Photo by August de Richelieu on

How do you know if he/she is the one? Check the love that you are receiving

romantic young couple in green field
Photo by Olya Kobruseva on

If it’s the one, you will find some of these attributes in the LOVE this person offers:

  1. Love does NOT reject. Your partner will accept who you are; your past, your background, your culture, etc.
  2. Love is NOT in short supply. This person will do their best to fulfill your needs. Every person has a tank of love that has to be filled, and the tank of each person has a different way of being filled. Some get filled by words of love, other by special details such as sharing an elegant dinner, others by attention, etc. Someone that loves you, will make an effort to understand what your needs are, and how to fulfill them.
  3. Love does NOT abandon.
  4. Love does NOT hold a grudge. It knows how to forgive and let it go.
  5. Love does NOT seek to harm. Any type of violence is violence. If this person is hurting you with words, actions or behaviors, this is not love.
  6. Love is NOT fake. Your partner does not have to do things to impress you, this person acts naturally, and expresses what’s in their heart.
  7. Love is NOT envious of the other’s success. A couple is not a competition to show who does better. The success of one, is the shared success of both.
  8. Love is NOT proud, vain or arrogant, it’s humble. Your partner recognizes with humility what is right and wrong in their behavior, and always apologizes when they do wrong.
  9. Love is NOT selfish. Your partner always thinks of you before making a decision. Seeking what’s best for both. This person won’t put your well-being down in order to get what they want.
  10. Love is NOT rude, it always treats with kindness.
  11. Love does NOT seek to humiliate, bully, or offend.
  12. Love does NOT give up. Some days your partner may not feel motivated, but this person never gives up. Your partner knows your worth and this will always encourage this person to keep fighting for the good of the relationship.
  13. Love does NOT hurt on purpose.
  14. Love is NOT a fleeting feeling or just a “butterflies” emotion. It’s not about sexual pleasure either, it’s a commitment for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish.
crop faceless newlyweds sitting on railing
Photo by Andrew Wilus on

Love is faithful, and it does not feel the need to keep searching outside for more partners. When you are satisfied with your food, you don’t keep looking at the menu for more.

The relationship is built on trust, respect and gratitude. If you can rely on your partner – you are a team. If you both know and understand what each other wants and needs, even if both of you are quite young, you can work together and the relationship will survive.

There will be bad moments, that’s only natural – but love will help you overcome these obstacles. There is no perfect marriage, but as long as there is respect, care, forgiveness, and gratitude; there will always be love, and everything will work well.

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