A rejection is a painful wound that changes your perspective of life in so many ways, specially if the hurt comes from the people that are supposed to love us. A rejection is a mark on your heart and a struggle in your thoughts. That is why it is so important that we overcome, heal, and let go of the rejection.
A rejection wound that has not healed will affect all your relationships. It won’t allow you to have healthy and durable relationships, because you feel the need to be sure they will not reject you at some point too.
A rejection may come in different ways. You may have experienced the hurt unconsciously, through something that happened to you in your childhood – such as the lack of quality of time that you received from your parents, in the form of abandonment. Through an unwanted pregnancy, when neither of your parents actually wanted to become parents and you felt it in the womb – or if one of your parents abandoned you. It could also be at school, in a relationship with other relatives, or with a couple that no longer wanted you, or due to a painful divorce that you didn’t want.
The point is that no matter what, wherever your rejection is coming from, you have that wound and you realize that it is not letting you enjoy the relationships you are creating. It’s haunting you and it’s time to heal.
The effects of a rejection directly manifest on you. First, physically as you get sick from stress, sleeplessness nights, the loss of appetite, or excessive appetite. Second, mentally you no longer care about life, or on the contrary, you obsess with everything in life, such as your physical appearance – and you feel the need to “fix yourself”. Finally, emotionally as you are either unavailable to allow people to get in or you are desperate for the approval of others – that ends up with you behaving as someone you are NOT, just to be a part of their lives.
It’s important for you to understand what I have explained above, so that you may develop a different perspective and understand what is the level of healing you need.
That being said, please allow me to share 7 steps that will help you overcome the feeling of rejection in your heart:
- Understand that we can’t go back to the past and undo. What already happened, has happened, you can’t fix people, you can’t make them accept you and love you. We can’t avoid being rejected. At some point in our lives, we all experience rejection. Some hurt more than others, but we can’t let the rejection affect our future. Come down to acceptance, surrender to what it was – yes, they hurt you, made you feel unwanted, but don’t allow them to destroy your present. There are plenty of people who will accept you and give you the love you deserve.
- Understand that just because someone rejects you, it doesn’t change your self-worth. I know, you wish they could come to sense and realize your worth, but don’t beg for love. You are far more valuable than you think. You are NOT less than anyone just because someone said “NO” to you. Your true worth does not come from others, it comes from yourself. If they didn’t want you, it’s their loss. Let it go and continue with your life. You came to this world to be happy and that’s on you.
- Don’t compensate with others or things the rejection you received. What you feel inside can’t be heal from the outside. Some people try to compensate the rejection with college degrees, brand-new expensive clothes, cars, a successful job, a “perfect family” or the “best life” in social media picture, etc. None of these are bad, what is bad is when you think that having these will add more value to who you are. What you are is within you, the wound in your heart won’t heal by having money or power, it is there. You are just putting a band-aid on it, pretending that is gone. But you will always feel nothing is enough, because you can’t fill whats empty inside with the things from outside. Others or things don’t determine your worth.
- Don’t build walls with people. Just like every finger of your hand is different, people are different. I know you will have a hard time believing it after the pain you been through, but trust me – there are still good people out there, offering the best quality of love and relationships. You can transform the pain into something beautiful, you can be the person you wish with your friends, family or couple. Don’t be afraid of people, you will find trustworthy people. Take a look around, where are you trying to find them? If you look in the garbage, you will find more of it, if you look for flowers you will find flowers.
- Start by having a healthy relationship with yourself first, then with people. People give what’s in their hearts. It is important to find who you are, to re-discover you. The new version of yourself is building up, after you make the decision to heal from past wounds – trust me its beautiful. Once you spend time alone with yourself, without anyone else, you are born again, as a stronger version. There is no more self-pity, loss of confidence, or a poor self-image – all of that is gone. The process is hard, you may experience desperation, and loneliness; but in the end, the creation is something that you will feel proud of.
- Make a vow with yourself to heal and don’t ever go back to the memories of the rejection. Our thoughts can be our worst enemies, they betray our reasoning. When you are feeling down, automatically your brain reminds you of the worse moments of life, when you experienced such sadness. This is when and where your vow has to come into action. Immediately, when you are having thoughts of shame or poor self-image, you have to say “NO” to them. If it happens at night, read a book, distract your mind with positive visuals. And if it takes place in the morning, become active, take a shower and move your body.
- Remember that the approval is on you. If you like yourself you are good. You don’t need to fix yourself, you just need to accept yourself. When we receive a lot of “likes” or “compliments”, we think “they love me”. This is a lie you tell yourself. And if you think this way, you will become a prey to them. You will obsess about looking and behaving as they desire, living for the applause of others. However, once you don’t get the “likes”, your self-esteem will be broken. You will experience self-doubt and crave attention.
You are you, and that’s beautiful. Past rejections only made you better and stronger. Once you have overcome rejection and found your self-worth, you become powerful. You are going to live your best life, you are free. This is what you deserve, let the people who rejected you know that in the end you are truly happy, with truth and value in yourself, and NOT by faking it.