Someone has pulled the rug from under you, a painful and disappointing event has knocked at your door like an unexpected guest. You were not ready for it, it hurts too much and you can’t have yourself thinking straight. That just happened, and now what? Who’s gonna help me with the oceans of thoughts, and shattered heart? Why has this happened to me? What did I do wrong? Why me?
The feeling of “This was not supposed to happen”, is consuming your life. You are left with so many unanswered questions. How is this even possible? What about what I expected, hoped for, or what I wished? Life seems to be cruel, this makes no sense, why is this happening to me?
Disclaimer: With no more than my experiences, humbleness, and my personal way of going on in life, with the unanswered questions from all the situations that I have encountered, I am going to try to answer that question in your head.
Allow me to help you understand “why” this happened to you.
- If the “why is this happening” related to others’ behaviors, probably the answer of “why” is that you may have created expectations about how others should behave. When you think everyone should behave in a certain way, and later they surprise you with their choices, you feel unappreciated. You have to understand that people will always behave like their inner nature makes them. Remember that their behavior makes them a prisoner of their own life and no matter how much you love them, there is nothing you can do about it. Create expectations about yourself because you are the only one that can be controlled by you. LETTING GO OF YOUR EXPECTATIONS IN OTHERS WILL BRING PEACE OF MIND AND A BETTER QUALITY OF LIFE.
- If the “why is this happening” related to your emotions or feelings getting hurt, this is probably because you are taking everything too personal and too closely. In order to live free from attachments, you may want to learn how to choose what you are going to care for, and what you give your attention and heart to. You are in charge of your life. I know some people are more sensitive than others, they get hurt easily or become resentful because they take everything way too personal. But if you want to be happy get out of “drama-land”, be your own arbiter. Re-direct what you want to take responsibility for, some things just happen because they are a part of life and it will happen to everyone at some point, not only to you. DO NOT PUT YOURSELF INSIDE OF A SELF-PITY BOX.
3. If the “why this is happening” related to some decision you made, it’s probably because either you didn’t think things through before actioning or simply because life is like this – sometimes you win and sometimes you lose. Some things can’t be changed just because you wish it, nothing can’t be done about the past. You can’t undo the things you already did. It’s ok if you made a bad decision, it is part of who you are now – but it doesn’t define you. However this has changed you, don’t be upset, angry or disappointed because you feel you couldn’t do it better. Thinking that if you hadn’t made certain decisions in your life this would have led you to where you wanted to be, will only hurt you. THE NEGATIVITY WILL ONLY SLOW DOWN YOUR PROCESS IN LIFE AND STEAL YOUR MOTIVATION. Make peace with yourself and let it go.
You may want to check this post : https://jenniveth.com/2021/01/31/how-to-make-right-decisions/
4. If the “why has this happened to me ” related to SITUATIONS OUT OF YOUR CONTROL, if it’s related to that dark place of an “unfair life” – I apologize because I also don’t have an answer for this. We all wish we could understand why some sad and unfair events happen in our life, specially if you are trying your best to be a good person.
Life seems to be like a joke, I know. When you see what society would call “bad people” living painful situations, somehow you feel it’s somewhat fair; especially when they have done so much irremediable damage. Not gonna lie, deep inside of you, your inner self thinks: “you deserve it”. But what about when you don’t deserve what is going on? If you have observed how life seems to work, bad things happen to good people. It doesn’t make sense, it’s not right. It’s as if God, the universe, or life (whatever your beliefs are) is cruel and evil.
You lose hope, and you are dealing with an extreme feeling of grief. Why me? Why my child? Why has this illness come to my life? Why my family? Why my marriage? etc. Over and over trying to find some answer that will help you to deal with this painful event. You didn’t see it coming, it wasn’t supposed to be this way. I understand you, what was very precious for you is now reduced to nothing – you feel in limbo.
I don’t have an answer, but please realize that you are not alone. There are so many people feeling just like you, do not feel desperate and fight against what is. This will only make the process even more painful. No matter how much you try or plan, you can’t control it: you have to accept reality for what it is. Everything now seems doubtful, hurtful, and without an exit, but let time heal the wound. When you are in pain, Time seems eternal, life suddenly becomes slower – but what they say is true: “It gets better with time”.
Feeling pain is important, do not numb yourself or ignore it. I know that your life does not match what you thought it was going to be. But, do not give up on yourself. At some point you may want to walk through it, build yourself up again, be strong and go on. As selfish as this sounds, as painful as it may seem, you gotta continue living. Do not give up, if you are still alive, it is because there are still things to get done.
Have faith in something bigger than yourself, believe in miracles. There is a before and after in your life, afterwards of this reality that you are currently facing, but you will find peace. If there is a solution or if there is an alternative, go for it and fight with all you got to win over this painful situation.
If you have lost a loved one, if this person is no longer with us – I can guarantee to you, that no one and nothing will fill that hole in your heart, but you will learn to go on. That hole that you are feeling is only gonna get filled with the love you offer to the memory of your loved one. The more you learn how to express love and gratitude for the time you had with him/her/them, and for the blessing this was for you, the more the pain will start to reduce, slowly but surely.
No matter the reason for your ” why me” question, I promise you that one day you will look back to this painful episode of your life, and some nostalgic feelings will come. But in the end you will ask yourself: Would you rather never have lived it? Or live through it even tho ended like that? The answer will be easy, “I rather have lived it” .
Life is made of struggles and good moments. Living your life in the present with love, enjoying the good moments, will give you the strength you need to endure the bad moments. Some questions have no answers in this world, but if you believe in the supernatural, in the power of the faith: you will find a sweet comfort, like a peaceful breeze that will rejoice your heart and help you move on.